Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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