He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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