She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
