Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
