Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
