I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The uberlube is also flammable
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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