So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
