im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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