We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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