she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
