got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
