It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So apparently I’m into choking now
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
