What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
