I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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