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I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My friends, they love my intelligence
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
