I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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