My first STD was from a foam party
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i now understand why vodka
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
