Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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