Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
