we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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