You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
