Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
