I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
