I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
