Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
