he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
