This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
