You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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