I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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