omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
