Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
