The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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