let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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