she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
