so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
