Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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