Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
