Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
