Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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