I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
