im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
