Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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