Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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