i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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