cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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