i permit you to call me
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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