I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
