and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
