in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
