I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
