Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
