By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
