She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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