How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
