just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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