My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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